Even the hookers left Detroit. Now they’re importing them.

April 23rd, 2009

The Detroit Free Press has covered this heart breaking story of some bald lady who drove from Muskegon to Detroit to by some “wigs”.

Fishing Bait

Jaronna McCrae left her Muskegon home on a mission: to buy a wig.

Her car was parked on Detroit’s east side for less than 30 minutes Saturday, she said, when it was broken into and the cargo inside — her two red-furred Chihuahuas — was stolen.

OK, so let me get this straight. Jaronna from Muskegon drove 201 miles (402 miles round trip) to the ghetto of the D to score a wig?? The article continues:

She said she cracked the car’s sunroof and windows, and within 10 minutes, she heard glass breaking, followed by a car alarm. Fellow patrons tried to catch the license plate on the dog thieves’ car, but it sped away too quickly, McCrae said.

“They were in a burgundy Oldsmobile Alero and there were two of them,” she said. “That’s all I know.”

I would have some compassion, if I believed a single word of this non-sense story. I’m probably not the only one thinking $5 gummers were going on here. You can tell by the photo that she’s hit the meth pipe more then once.

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Posted in Crime | 1 Comment »

Kudos to Detroit City Police

March 13th, 2009

If you have not realized my stance on Detroit yet, let me explain it clearly to you:  Detroit is a cesspool of crime and poverty, run by a corrupt government and needs to be either turned into a mass-prison or leveled with a few strategically placed explosives.  That explained, I’d like to tip my hat to the Detroit City Police.

Last night, the police conducted a bust of local Detroit carwash and wound up seizing Three Million Dollars in cocaine and cash.  A carwash.  What a fucking awesome idea!  G-Money Pimps and Thug Ganstas are ALWAYS washing their rides, so I’m sure nothing looked out of the ordinary (except, maybe, the clean Escalades and Donks lining up at the entrance).

Now, I find myself wondering, what happens to the drugs and money that Detroit confiscates?  Hopefully it is legal to use the money to offer better wages and benefits to our Police for having the shittiest beat on the earth.  One other thought - what happens to all of the bogarted drugs?  Maybe we should give them away for free and let the junkies O.D. on free smack - one less thing to clean up in Tha D.

I can only think of one drawback to this awesome news:  I’m going to have that fucking carwash song stuck in my head all day.

RIP both you mothafuckas

RIP both you mothafuckas

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10 words from a black man to these white boys

March 12th, 2009

I love being black, but I suggest you stay white.

I know the Eminem effect dissolved about 3 years ago, but it’s cool to see you guys are still “thuggin out”, playing with your hardcore 9mm and pimping in your Honda CRV, but you’re nothing more then a fake. Here are some words of wisdom to gain more “street cred” in the D. First, file off those serial numbers on your pistol. Second, stop hanging out in front of the library and finally, PLEASE remove the homosexual overtone here by having at least one set of breasts in your video.

Posted in Detroit Music Explained | No Comments »

David Bing - Is he Kwame’s Dad?

March 12th, 2009

As the mayoral race moves into the final stretch, we are starting to see the true colors from the candidates. Just over 40 days until the special election and former Detroit Pistons player Dave Bing has been caught in a web of lies over his MBA.

Let me paraphrase:
WWJ Reporter: “Hey Dave, about your MBA from Syaracuse”
Bing: “Oh yeah, what would you like to know about my MBA from Syracuse?”
WWJ Reporter: “We called Syaracuse, you don’t have an MBA from there”
Bing: “I never said I had an MBA from Syracuse”
WWJ Reporter: “Uhh”

Bing quickly had his PR department release this statement:

“I felt I had an MBA for the work I had done in the industry I was in. When I made references to an MBA it wasn’t that I went there and got it, but through what I had done earned it”

David, let’s use your logic in our everyday life.

  1. I cooked dinner last night.     I am a master chef.
  2. I played putt-putt yesterday.  I am Phil Mickelson
  3. I purchased a plane ticket.  I am Orville Wright.

If somebody can’t remember what degrees they have, can they seriously be considered as Mayor? And why would you have to lie about having an MBA when 98% of the possible voters don’t even know what one is??

Read the complete Detroit Free Press article

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From the Office of Racism and Overly Indulgent Self-Centerism…

March 11th, 2009

Idiots, every last one of them.

Idiots, every last one of them.

March 11th, 2009, From the Detroit City Council Office.  For Immediate Release:  Don’t let that Leno guy dis Detroit by hosting a show in Pontiac.  We gotta git him to tha D!

If you haven’t heard, Jay Leno is planning on hosting an entirely free comedy show for Michigan’s unemployed masses on April 7th at the Palace of Auburn Hills.  Over the years, Leno has become close to Detroit as he is a true “car guy” at heart and has built some great relationships within the Domestic Automakers.  He sees how Michigan’s workforce is bleeding employees at an unbelievable rate - and he would like to give a bit of a reprieve to us by hosting an entirely FREE comedy show for those of us out of work.

Enter the big butts (and bigger mouths) of Monica Conyers and Martha Reeves.  Once they heard Leno was going to host his show at the Palace (which is safer, cleaner and more accessible than ANYWHERE in Detroit) they start flappin their gums about how his show should be in tha D.  Don’t these racist idiots Doesn’t Detroit City Council have anything better to do than repeatedly draw attention to itself and waste taxpayer money?  Here’s some excellent quotes from Reeves:

“When I heard Jay Leno say Detroit is one of my favorite places and he’s going to do a free concert for the people laid off, to people who don’t have any money right now… I was elated,” said Detroit City Council woman Martha Reeves. “Then he said Auburn Hills. Auburn Hills is not Detroit.”

Reeves added that, “I might get a word to him. We have Ford Field, Cobo, we have wonderful facilities here - the Fox Theatre. He could come and present something to Detroit.”

To get tickets, people only have to say they are unemployed.   Reeves (who wants to go and “considers herself unemployed”), in perfect, lazy, welfare rat form, says:

“Yes I am, in a way. I’m unemployed now - I have two jobs… but I usually dance in the street,” she joked, referring to one of her hit songs, “Dancing In The Streets.”

Nigga, Please.  You earn over $80,000 / year with your seat on city council, not to mention what else is coming in from your corrupt  deals on the side.  Unemployed, my fat, speckled and pimply white ass.

Posted in City Council Stupidity, Detroit Music Explained | 1 Comment »

We need to distribute firearms in Detroit, and we need to do it fast.

March 10th, 2009

The numbers were released today about crime in the city, and all I can say is we must address this now.
The preliminary 2008 FBI crime report data lists the following:

Murder: 182
Rape: 189
Robbery:3,044
Assault: 5,321

Do you see how scary this sounds? If we continue to allow the Detroit citizens to rape more then they murder, then the residents will never actually disappear. Unless the method of “no strings attached sex” has changed since I lived in the D, I’m guessing the 189 unwanted penetrations that went down were not using any product manufactured by durex or trojan. This is the possibility of 189 potential thugs that will be brought into this world.

On the contrary, Detroit only experienced 182 murders. In the end, this is a grave chance of a +7 in the population count.

There is only one way to tackle this epidemic, and that is to bring more firearms into the city. I am sure, actually positive, that the suburbanites would help take on this task by donating unused pistols and assault weapons to the cause. We can do collections at fire departments, we can petition S&W and H&K and other cool acronyms to donate, we can do a nationwide drive for the cause.

In the end, the only way to let detroit die is to ensure that we give the mayor, the city council, and the citizens of Detroit every ounce of help possible, so they can continue to exterminate the city.

And I will be the first to offer up a few pistols from my collection for the cause.
-k

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Detroit at a Glance, March 10, 2009

March 10th, 2009

Lets look and see what current events are happening in “Tha D”:

  • Kwame Kilpatrick allowed to move to Texas. What fantastic news.  Covisint, a division of Compuware - I’m not sure what they do, but I am curious why they are going to pay a convicted felon $10,000 a month (plus bonuses), and what in the the hell he’ll do for that.  Remember he has a cool $1,000,000 in fines to repay in just 5 years.  Perhaps Compuware is repaying him for bribes accepted in Detroit?  Who knows for sure except Karmanos and Kilpatrick.  It is interesting that Kilpatrick is worth $10,000 / month even though he lost his right to practice law, but even more so that he will be employed in such a fashion:

“Karmanos said Kilpatrick would be working in sales and would be working with federal, state and local municipalities to handle their health care electronically. He also said Kilpatrick would receive a base salary and also would receive commissions.”

Outstanding.  A crook to help inflate the ever rising costs of healthcare.

  • Kwame Kilpatrick to sue SkyTel for $100,000,000. Well, well, well,  Nigga’s gonna git his.  Does anybody else wonder why a CONVICTED FELON can turn around and sue a telecommunications company for following the law?  Let me see if I understand this mockery of justice: Kwame and Christine text each other like a couple of zit-faced, lovestruck adolescents - except their texts prove they lied under oath.  SkyTel gets subpoenaed  for the transcripts by the procecutor’s office and is now getting sued for one hundred MILLION dollars?  Fantastic.  I am here telling you today that Kwame Kilpatrick made fools of us all, on the national stage, and continues to do so.  I have never seen such a pathetic play (and WIN!) of the race card to date.  The best we can hope for is for him to die in a fiery airline incident on his way to Tejas.
  • Detoit City Council Decides to file an Injunction.

“Council President Monica Conyers, argue the plan requires Detroit to give away too much”

I’m here to tell you, this is code for City Council not getting kickbacks and payoffs that should go to maintaining Cobo.  Looky here:  Leaky Cobo roof angers Autorama organizers - and here’s an awesome shot of the quality venue:

Let Detroit Die!

Let Detroit Die!

So, back to my point - Detroit City Council is going to tie up part of the legal system and burn some cash we don’t have because Kenneth Cockrel Jr. is trying to make a good business decision with his head, and not his wallet.

One last thing to leave you with - an article on Kwame Kilpatrick’s recently released text messages.  Maybe he had to have as many as 5 diferent girlfriends because “It’s so cold in tha D”.

Posted in City Council Stupidity, Kwame Kilpatrick | No Comments »

Kwame text messages published (round 2)

March 9th, 2009

Read them here!

8/16/02: Christine Beatty: YOU UNDERSTAND THE COINCIDENCE NIGGA!

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Posted in Kwame Kilpatrick | No Comments »

Escape From Detroit?

March 8th, 2009

Last night, Giselle and I had some friends over to our country home for drinks and to play Scattergories.  As usual, it was an excellent evening and fostered some fantastic discussion over the city of Detroit and current events.  One topic stayed with me and the thoughts were nagging me while I read a bit of the WSJ weekend edition.

Governor Granholm is lobbying  hard to get the film industry to come to Michigan and stimulate the economy - the economy she promised I would be blown away by (but that is a topic for another day).  Well, the “gang” and I came up with an excellent idea that would tie in the film industry, prison overpopulation, Detroit’s failing budget and America’s almost-OCD-like love of anything having to do with a reality show.

Let’s build a wall around Detroit and make it a prison.

Think about it.  We can get rid of the dying image of Detroit, stop trying to overlook that it is listed as the most unsafe city to live in, and make some money doing it.  Here is the plan that I came up with this morning over my poached eggs:

  • Use some of Michigan’s stimulus money to create another CCC, and have them build an impenetrable wall arond the city;
  • Allow business owners to close up shop if they want and allow the respectable homeowners the chance to relocate;
  • Detain Detroit City Council and put them in charge of adminstration of this new “prison”;
  • Release all of the violent career criminals into the city;
  • Inject small cells of filming crews to record daily life in Detroit for us to comfortably enjoy on television;
  • Conduct contests similar to the challenges experienced in the movie “The Running Man“;
  • Occasionally jettison someone completely innocent into Detroit and send a hardened, eyepatch wearing criminal to rescue them, film the results and bank cool millions.

Honestly, the possibilities are endless.  Just the broadcast rights in themselves would save Michigan and her auto industry.  The state would only house criminals that are sentenced for 5 years or less; the rest are dropped into Detroit via parachutes.  The money saved in the prison system would be great, along with a serious deterrent against crime.

Before you write this off as nonsense, do the math.  I think we have something here that shows promise.

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Posted in Renovations | 1 Comment »

Early Saturday Morning Rambling about the Detroit Auto Show.

March 7th, 2009

Besides the Detroit International Auto Show and the SAE Congress, what other purpose does Cobo Hall serve to the residents of Michigan?  Cobo boasts 700,000 square feet of exhibition space and the Cobo Arena, however it doesn’t have anything novel to offer the city or its visitors.  It is in desperate need of renovation, the source of current city government bickering and a cancerous blight upon a city trying so hard to change its image.

I say, let Conyers and her Klan sue Mayor Kenneth Cockrel Jr. over his veto to allow outside intervention.  Let the city go farther in debt up to the point where they have to forfeit the facility to its debtors.  Now, what does this have to do with the Auto Show?

There exists a convention center in Michigan that I think could step up and successfully take over the Auto Show:  The Rock Financial Showplace.  The “Rock” is nestled right in the center of suburbia and is a much better venue than Cobo for many reasons:

  • Accessibility; it just plain easier to get to.  I-96 to Beck road and a short jaunt east on Grand River Drive.  The I-96 / Beck interchange is a modern, high flow intersection, as is the exchange at Beck and Grand River.
  • Modern Venue.  It’s right-sized for many functions and its smaller size (214,000 square feet for the exhibits) keeps the costs low.  Not to mention the environmental “footprint” of the Rock is much smaller.  1/3 (or less) energy costs and building structure to maintain.
  • Accommodations.  The surrounding small, friendly cities have plenty to offer in the way of places to stay, dining and entertainment.
  • Safety.  No contest.  Detroit is a cesspool of poverty and, therefor, crime.  People will be able to park without getting broken into, walk without being hassled by beggars, and my personal favorite - maybe I’ll get to get close to look at some Mercedes vehicle without them being surrounded by a bunch of thug-gansta wannabes.

Perhaps if all of Cobo’s venues could be transferred over to the Rock, we could be one step closer to letting Detroit die, or at least side step City Council’s ignorance.

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Posted in Detroit Auto Show | No Comments »

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